guerrilla warfare tactic for 'the inevitable Edmonton Invasion'

We Drive to excactly halfway between the cities of Edmonton and Red Deer on the highway that connects the two. At that excact point, we reconstruct the city of Red Deer. All you need to do is reconstruct Gasoline Alley, because that is all you can see of Red Deer from the highway. We then go down to the northern outskirts of actual Red Deer, and try to recreate the northern end of calgary. The day of the inevitable invasion, we set up a large amount of forces on the north end of the city, to prevent the Edmontonians from driving into the actual city of Red Deer, and realizing it's not truly Calgary. While they battle it out on the northern skirts of Red Deer, we go to Edmonton and destroy the heart of the city: Professor Wem's Adventure Mini Golf.
Once we have taken out the professor and his evil ways of dictatorship and capitalism, the Edmontonians will have no choice but to return to their city, and reconstruct a new Proffesor Wem from the rubble. The original Professor Wem's is a marvel of modern Edmontonian culture. Ralph Klein lobbied the United Nations to have it considered one of the 8 Wonders of the World. Constructed over the course of some generations, it stands the fantastic feat of being 18 holes of indoor adventure and glory. Alongside other great models of modern Edmontonian civilization such as an indoor waterslide park and an indoor rollercoaster, Professor Wem's has earned it's reputation as the only major West Edmonton Mall attraction that has not killed anyone; unlike the disastrous roller coaster incident of 72, and the unfortunate drowning incident in the waterpark in 1995.

Plan for the inevitable Edmonton invasion

Edmonton not only should invade Calgary, but I predict it will happen by the end of 2008. The questions that need to be answered are:

• Which parts of the city should we sacrifice as human shields?
• How can we protect the only good part of the city (the south)?
• Should we even bother stopping Edmonton from destroying the north?

So, basically, any part of the north is either total garbage, or full of stupid rich douchebags who will make ideal human shields due to the strong and expensive fabric their suits and evening gowns are made out of. The poor people who flee to the south for salvation will be used as missiles in our catapults. Thus we should ignore the invasion of Calgary until it reaches the bow river, and we can even build a wall out of all the dead bodies we'll collect from forest lawn. It's a well known fact that Asians build the best walls, so we should enlist the aid of china town in the great-bow-river-anti-edmonton-and-poor-people wall.

As for strategy, after the wall is built, we can cut their ranks down with guerrilla tactics, like poisoning their food and exploding their women. Edmontonians are for the most part... retarded, so it should be an easy battle. We'll load all the forest lawn people into the catapults and have a war of attrition (to quote Marc) until there's so few of them we can take battleships across the Bow and open fire with guns that shoot 100 dollar bills and flaming oil.

To answer the third question, no, we should not.

Now the main reason I think Edmonton should destroy exactly half of Calgary is so I never have to wait in line again for a bar, and so I dont have to be worried about getting shot in the chest whenever I walk around Downtown. We all know the crips and the bloods come from north calgary. This city needs exactly 500000 less people

SO: invade us edmonton with your flame tanks and ultralisks