800 pound man tries to go on date... and fails

Two years ago Manuel Uribe was over 1200 pounds. Since then, he has lost an amazing 400 pounds. March 10th was Manuel's Girlfriends birthday. To celebrate, Manuel decided to celebrate and deviate from his diet a little. "We were going to celebrate that I've been losing weight for two years ... and fulfill my dream of taking my girlfriend out to eat."

Like any good male, Manuel had the date all planned out. But not just in the sense of the typical flowers or chocolates; Manuel had many other resources to fulffill. Firstly, he needed a forklift and a flatbed rig to get him to the date. At first everything was going well. Manuel was set to meet his date at a picnic in the city of Monterrey, California. His bed, with him in it, was placed on the back of the rig and he was set to make it there on time.

(One might be guessing that this article is leading up to a "wide load" joke. ) However, it was not the "wide load" that prevented Manuel from getting to his date, it was a height restriction. Unfortunately, the frame of his bed (why didn't you take the frame off Manuel?) hit an overpass about halfway to the date. Manuel escaped without any injuries, but doctors concluded that his blood pressure was too high to go on the date. Fortunately for Manuel, 12 news reporters were there to capture this event. Thus, providing people across America, as well as Manuel's date, for the reason behind not showing up. It's always good to have an excuse.

I have a theory on this. Manuel didn't want to go on the date, and manufactured this story and sold it to newspapers and bloggers across the country, just so his date wouldn't feel bad about his not showing up. Congratulations Manuel, you have joined the club of 'self absorbed males'.

The real question that comes to my mind, is how can Manuel get a date, yet i still can't. Cindy still isn't returning my calls, but that could be because she doesn't exist. I was forty minutes late for a date the other day with Ashleigh Bowers, and the girl ended up being a huge boring-bitch the rest of the way through it. Eliza won't pick up the phone when i call her. The other day i text messaged her and asked if she wanted to hang out at the video arcade on friday night. She didn't get back to me... i guess she's just a lesbian or something. Yet as i write you this article from the computer lab at Uvic, a brownish girl has sat down next to me. Who knows?