Uncertainty visualized

Here's that note I wrote I was talking about. I didn't feel like thinking hard enough to write something new.

I was just sitting in bed a moment ago, staring into space when I had a strange sensation... well more of a waking hallucination than anything, a lucid daydream. I had the odd feeling that anyone would recognize, that of a sudden random anxiety, similar to how you feel when you know you've done something horrible and simply cant suppress the memory, but in a vague, full body sort of way.

I tried to think back, had I done anything to lead me down this thought path? The answer was no, I hadn't. Thoughts of events and people drifted through my mind lazily, in that half asleep idle our brain hits when we've been up for nearly 24 hours and haven't quite dozed off. And then the root of the feeling I was experiencing came into focus. I had the sudden sensation that I was on the edge of a circle, two dimensional but living in a complete three dimensional world, a round expanse of blue on an enormous expanse of dull gray. I was standing with my chest thrust out in front of me, in front of the dull universe of my limited dream. Every time I've had this feeling of unrest, this pattern of random confusion yet headstrong direction has been there, I just hadn't realized it until now. Does this imagery connect to anything else?

I haven't really had the feeling lately of some epic event on the horizon, but in this imagery and more and more in my daily life I feel like I'm on the edge of something, literally heart first, as if I'm not even factoring my mind and thought into it. Am I suddenly reckless? Lost? It's a very difficult thing, self analysis, but abstract imagery that reveals too much about inner thoughts is absolutely terrifying. Studying yourself is impossible, in fact there's a phrase I've read about our mind that puts it all together,

Our brain is the most complicated thing in our known universe, and yet our brain can never understand itself

So does this mean that we'll never understand why we think the way we do? Does this mean that the huge gray field in my minds eye is my own brain? Is that blue circle simply a comfort zone I can throw myself out of? The way I imagined this scene, the circle had a clear divisive line, a border that holds you from the new dimension of depth and time and ties you down in the blue circle of flatness and circular repetition. If that line was gone, I could simply fall into my own head and either be forever granted with the key to my own mind, or in my own optimism, I may have ignored the color of this third dimension. Would I be leaping into a shabby prison, where the mystery of my own thoughts is gone?

I mean really, what's more intoxicating than complete understanding? Would we even exist as a race if we were capable of understanding ourselves, or would we simply sit in one place, lost in the ecstasy of uninhibited thought?